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Something felt off.
My boss’s words didn’t sit right with me.
In the meeting room, I nodded in silence.
On the way home, I sighed.
Am I the one who’s wrong?
As a student, as a working adult, even as someone’s parent.
There are moments when what you feel and the reality in front of you don’t mesh.
In a world without right answers, no one can know whether your thinking is right.
Even so, you have to decide.
Even so, you have to move.
Everyone must have nights like that.
Are you holding your convictions high?
Everyone lives with some compromise.
I’m not blaming anyone for that.
Some say compromise is a grown-up’s wisdom.
Living without ruffling feathers is sometimes called being smart.
But in an unguarded moment, I wonder.
What am I moving for, right now?
Is this choice connected to what I believe?
Am I still holding on to that question?
My father used to say
Licking someone’s boots to survive — that’s desperate.
Spitting in someone’s face — that’s desperate, too.
If I’m going to live desperately either way, I want to hold to my convictions — that’s what he said.
Either way, it’s desperate.
Either way, it’s a shape that living takes.
So, if that’s how it is anyway.
What do I want to be desperate to protect?
What is it I can’t bear to lose, that keeps me living today?
I might be wrong
Acting on conviction doesn’t guarantee results.
What you did believing it was right can turn out to be wrong.
That’s all right, I think.
People who press on while making mistakes are, at the very least, moving.
They are moving with a center of their own.
More than in waiting endlessly for the right answer, I sense real desperation in someone pressing on, mistakes and all.
Standing at the table, there are no excuses.
I’m the one who chose this shot.
The miss was my call, too.
And the ball that went in was my own shot.
I think we sometimes need time without excuses.
Time to put your convictions into a shot of your own.
Are you living with everything you’ve got?
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