日本語 ｜ 繁體中文 ｜ English ｜ 한국어 ｜ Tiếng Việt
I once closed a sign-up form for a trial lesson halfway through.
The dates didn’t work.
I looked at the enrollment fee and thought for a moment.
“Once things calm down a bit,” I told myself, and closed the tab.
And just like that, three months had gone by.
Bludgeoned by work
There are things I want to do. I mean to make the time.
But a sudden job that lands on Monday wipes out Wednesday’s plans.
I cancel the weekend class I had booked, the day before.
“Next month for sure,” I think, and the same thing happens again.
On the packed train, I stand again today with my eyes closed.
On the platform as I change trains, I notice I’m sighing.
Before I know it, the energy to start anything new is being worn away, along with everything else.
When you can’t predict your days, keeping the same hour free every week is harder than it sounds.
That’s all it is.
The monthly fee keeps coming out of the account.
Even in months I can’t go, only the money disappears.
Before I knew it, that was weighing on me more than the going itself.
I blamed myself for not keeping it up
Somewhere inside, I believed, “I’m someone who never sticks with anything.”
Never lasting past three days.
Weak-willed.
I’ll just quit again anyway—
Words like these pile up inside you without your noticing.
Every time you think of something new, those words come up first.
But thinking it over, the reason I didn’t keep it up was always the same.
I couldn’t predict my schedule.
The fixed costs were heavy.
I felt guilty for not being able to go, and quit.
The problem wasn’t me.
Perhaps it was the way I started.
One night
There was a place I happened to drop into on my way home from work.
I hadn’t booked.
I didn’t have any gear.
I hadn’t even decided to go that day.
I just, for no particular reason, opened the door.
Inside it was quiet, the lights were low, and everyone was at their own table. Good players, bad players, nobody minding anybody else.
Someone missed and gave a wry smile.
Someone made one and gave a small fist pump.
Somehow, everyone looked like they were having fun.
Here, there was a reason to keep coming
Go on the days I want to.
Skip the weeks I can’t.
I never thought something that simple could feel so easy.
No guilt.
No pressure.
Without the weight of “I have to keep this up,” people come back on their own.
Before I knew it, I wanted to go back to that place again.
It isn’t that I’m trying to keep it up.
I just wanted to go again.
Maybe that is what keeping something up really is.
👉 For the first time in a long while, I was thinking about just one thing.
👉 See the Yokohama Billiard Hall Guide
👉 Billiards resources from Japan and around the world, organized by purpose: Billiards in Depth (latest updated hourly)
